Family Ties
by Jinx Author
Summary: My attempt of a Hellboy holiday fic which crosses over into the Xmen comics. Rated K, simply because it's got HB in it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellboy. I do not own X-men. I do now own the English language. That cover everything?

Author's Note: For those who do no know X-men, here are the characters in this story:

Pete: An awkward giant (about 6 foot something) that can turn his skin metal at will.

Jamie: A jokester with the ability to clone himself

Terry and Rahne: Two super tough Irish girls- their abilities don't tie into the story

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* * *

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**Family Ties**

"Nyet…nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet…" a deep Russian voice was heard cursing through the hallways of the mansion. Naturally it was Piotr, who was having another mini-crisis about who knows what. Jamie Madrox was about to find out, since he was heading there anyway. Tossing a football to himself as he walked to Piotr's room, Jamie threw it through the open door with a 'heads up'. Piotr, who was still muttering 'nyet' while reading a letter, found himself getting hit in the head with a football.

"What's up big guy? I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to go up with me against Terry and Rahne in football, but I might reconsider, seeing your reflex skills and all," Jamie said, picking up the football

Piotr turned to him, his face in utter dismay. After a short pause, he finally said what was bothering him. "My uncle is coming. Here. Today," Piotr said, his expression unchanging.

"And why's that so bad?" Jamie asked, flopping down on Piotr's bed, "He not know you're a mutant or something?"

"No, it's not that," Piotr said, sighing. "First of all he's not truly my uncle. And secondly, the last time I saw him was nearly two years ago. And I was hoping that would be the last time I saw him. But he's found out of my mutant abilities and taken a new interest in me. And he's curious to see this legendary 'mutant mansion'."

Jamie frowned mockingly. "Aw c'mon. How bad can he be Peter?" he asked.

Piotr sighed. "Well, he's obnoxious. He's bigger than me and therefore treats me like a little kid. He's a redneck, literally…"

"He's what? Oh my god, hold on a second," Jamie said as he scrambled to get off of the bed. He ran to his room and came back two seconds later, with one of his possessions in hand. "Is this him?" he asked, showing the… comic book cover.

Piotr groaned an affirmative 'da'. Jamie grinned. "YOUR UNCLE'S **HELLBOY**?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! I ONLY HAVE LIKE-**A MILLION**-HELLBOY COMICS!"

"I told you, he and I don't exactly get along," Piotr said, "But Grigori Rasputin is considered his father and is my great grandfather so… technically, he's my great uncle. Really technically."

"Cool! You so have to introduce me!" Jamie gushed (much like a typical fangirl). Piotr nodded and rolled his eyes. Something told him that Jamie was going to end up spending more time with Hellboy than he was.

* * *

About one hour later, the doorbell rang. Without any preamble, 3 Jamie clones simultaneously ran for it. They all fought to get the honor of opening the door for a minute, before stopping and putting themselves back into one. Jamie opened it, and he was speechless for a minute. There he was: 7 feet tall, red skinned, complete with prehensile tail and trenchcoat.

Hellboy- in the flesh.

"Um…hi. I'm looking for Pete Rasputin. He here?" the demon asked, scratching the back of his neck with an oversized right hand. "I think this is the right address but damn Mapquest couldn't find the place."

"Hell yes! Come in Hellboy!" Jamie said excitedly, pulling him inside. Hellboy raised his eyebrows. How did he know? Piotr didn't exactly brag to people about the fact his uncle was a demon…

"Aw crap, you're a fan of the comics. Damn Mike Mignola, I knew I should've never agreed to media exposure …" he cursed as he was dragged inside. Jamie ignored him, and smiled happily as he brought Hellboy further inside. Hellboy looked back at the door. Something told him his bags were going to end up staying on the stoop with the death grip Jamie was giving him.

Piotr came down the hallway, in the opposite direction of the two. Upon seeing Hellboy, he made a 180 and started to walk the other way, hoping his uncle hadn't noticed. Unfortunately, Piotr would not be so lucky, and stopped as he heard his relative's voice.

"Petey! Damn, long time no see," Hellboy said, freeing himself from Jamie's grasp and shaking Piotr's hand with an oversized stone fist. That hurt Piotr, a lot.

"It's nice to see you to, Uncle," Piotr mumbled. Piotr winced a little at the grip, and mouthed the words 'Help. Me.' to Jamie through clenched teeth. Jamie saw the cue, and wasn't about to turn down a day with his favorite fictional character, or that he thought was fictional anyway.

"Sooo…Peter and I were gonna play some football versus the girls. Wanna play?" Jamie asked smiling. Piotr felt like smacking his own face in. The whole point of Jamie being with Hellboy was so he didn't have to be.

Hellboy grinned. "Sure, sounds fun."

"Actually, I promised Katya I was going to take her out," Piotr lied, looking at the floor a bit. Lying wasn't a tendency of his, and he still felt guilty. Even though he really, really didn't want to spend time with his uncle.

"But you're not dat-OW!" Jamie started, but was elbowed hard by Piotr. He paused a minute to ask what that was for before he connected the dots. If they had been animated, a little light bulb would have gone on over Jamie's head.

"Well, wouldn't wanna mess up your date," Hellboy said, turning to Jamie. "C'mon, let's go show those girls who's boss."

* * *

A while later, Hellboy and Jamie were coming back inside, covered up to their knees in mud. Hellboy and Jamie were talking about the intense game they had just had between Terry and Rahne. And by talking, I meant complaining on…

"How the hell did we lose to them?" Hellboy asked openly, "We had the manpower and strength advantage!" It was quite the mystery. Jamie and his clones shrugged their shoulders before going back into one again. They walked in silence for a minute.

"So, Pete still mad at me?" Hellboy asked Jamie. Jamie raised an eyebrow.

"Please, I wasn't born yesterday. He didn't want to be around me, and made up some girl to keep me away. I can take a hint," Hellboy explained. Jamie knew Piotr shouldn't have underestimated his comic book hero.

"You know, I don't even know _why_ he doesn't like you," Jamie said, "You're a nice guy."

"Yeah yeah, keep this up an' you're gonna make me blush," Hellboy joked, tousling Jamie's hair. "But last time I saw him we got into a big argument. About his family and what his great grandfather was. Petey just wouldn't believe about his great granddaddy's involvement in dark magic. I thought it would've blown over by now. Guess I was wrong," the big guy sighed.

Jamie's face saddened for a bit. Before he got another idea that was. "Lemme talk to him. 10 bucks that in half an hour I can get him to change his mind," Jamie suggested. The two shook on it.

* * *

Half an hour later, Hellboy was watching television with the girls from earlier, who he had grown to like. Especially when they agreed that next time he visited they would all have to go up against Jamie and the clones in football.

Much to Hellboy's surprise, Piotr entered, teary eyed. He came up, hugged Hellboy and whispered that he was so sorry for everything. The two made up, and Piotr left the room to go dry his eyes, passing by Jamie as he went. Jamie, naturally, was standing against the door opening, arms crossed, with a cocky smile plastered on his face.

"What the hell did you do?" Hellboy asked as he fished out a ten dollar bill.

"Simple. Peter's a Hellboy comic fan now." Jamie replied.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Why, yes, I am alive. So sorry I haven't been keeping up. I had a summer job and vacations and all sorts of stuff. I finally got around to writing this chapter, and hopefully my Scooby/Hellboy teamup will come as easily. Anyway, enjoy, especially to Agent White who requested the story. I'm not sure if I'll write more though. Only time will tell.

Chapter 2

"So Uncle, how have you been at Xavier's?" Piotr asked at the breakfast table. He was still in his pajamas, as he had spent most of the night catching up on the Hellboy comics he'd borrowed from Jamie. "I trust nobody's been giving you a hard time?" he asked.

The red skinned demon poured himself another bowl of cornflakes. "Nah," he answered nonchalantly, "It's been great. Well… actually…" Hellboy paused and shook his head. "Never mind. I can just avoid him," he decided aloud, taking another bite.

Piotr's spoon dropped. "Avoid whom?" he asked, his expression darkening. Because whoever was not being nice to his family, and now his most beloved not-so-fictional character, would have hell to pay. Piotr would make sure of that.

"Mornin' bubs," came a gruff voice from the door. "Peter… Ahole…" The short, hairy, and albeit grumpy Canadian mutant grabbed himself a pair of eggs. He cracked them straight into the glass, and drank them raw of course. It was none other than Wolverine, at his finest.

While Logan had his back turned, Hellboy made lots of pointing indications towards him. It took Piotr a few minutes, but he finally registered that Logan was the one his uncle was referring to. It shouldn't have been surprising. Nobody got along with Wolverine. Well, maybe Jubilee did, but everyone knew why that was…

Once the wave of morning sunshine left (insert sarcastic wink here), Piotr turned back to Hellboy with a confused stare. "What- how did-" he stammered, trying to connect everything. "What did you do?"

Hellboy snorted. "I made one freakin' short joke," he replied, taking another heaping bite of cereal. "And then he went psycho on me; he practically gouged my eyes out! I didn't know he was so sensitive about his height! If it wasn't for the Jamies restraining him… I'd have punched him through a wall."

Piotr looked down. "Logan can regenerate from anything, Uncle, it wouldn't have mattered," he mumbled meekly.

"Damn, that's annoying," Hellboy muttered, finishing the last of his corn flakes. "But thanks for the heads up, Petey." His nephew smiled in reply, before going up to wash the dishes.

That's when Jamie came running in. "SCORE!" he yelled, thrusting the magazine in Hellboy's face. "You're going to love me!" he squealed. With a furrowed brow, the red skinned demon took the magazine with his massive right hand, and held it at a distance he could actually read from. After a few sentences, his own face lit up.

"They're making a box set of the Lobster Johnson TV show?" he asked excitedly, "I have got to get this."

"All 6 seasons. You may now applaud," Jamie said, bowing mockingly. "Can I drive?" he asked with a broad smile, lifting his head so Hellboy could see just how much he wanted to drive.

* * *

Despite Piotr's protests, Jamie parked the car at the specialty comic book store he frequented. Piotr finally let go of his steel grip (no pun intended) from the side of the car. He hated how Jamie drove with no regard for speed limits.

"Come on Peter, it was only 5 miles over," Jamie goaded, rolling his eyes, "It's not like a cop saw me."

"You still go too fast…" Piotr muttered to himself as they entered.

Typically, the cashier had no idea who Lobster Johnson was, let alone where to find the box set in the store. So Hellboy single handedly searched, until he found the box nestled in the wrong spot alphabetically.

"Haha! Last one," he cried triumphantly. But as Hellboy lay his hand on it, another hand simultaneously grabbed the other end. The figure, whose face was shadowed, was dressed in a white tank top and cowboy hat, and was rather hairy. And Hellboy figured he was short, even for a typical human.

The hand holding the box popped claws. "It's mine bub," said the gruff voice. Between the voice, and when the stranger showed his face, Hellboy recognized him immediately. The figure, ironically, was none other than Wolverine.

Hellboy blinked in disbelief. "You like Lobster Johnson?"

Wolverine nodded. "Yeah, I watched the original series on the tube, back when I was in Canada. It sucked because we always got it a season late, and the picture was crappy. The claw reminded me of these puppies," he said, tapping his claws.

Hellboy grinned excitedly. "I watched the original series back when I was a kid, but it always sucked because the reception was bad on the Army Base! And the claw reminded me of my own hand!" Hellboy pointed out, waving his oversized right hand.

There was a slight pause after both men repeated the Lobster's motto.

"You wanna split the difference an' watch it? I don't think anyone would dare bother you and me," Hellboy suggested. Logan, in a very un-Loganlike fashion, nodded and gave a slight smirk.

"Ya know, mebbe ya ain't so bad, Red," Logan said, putting the claws away and taking the DVDs up to the counter, "Ya definitely got a helluva taste in TV shows."

Jamie smiled, and turned to Piotr from the bookcase behind. "You owe me 10 bucks."

Piotr grumbled and fished out the money. "Well you didn't tell me they liked the same TV show…"


End file.
